If you have a reserved personality, it means that you tend to be more introverted, quiet, private, and cautious in social situations. You may prefer interacting in small, intimate gatherings but become more withdrawn when you are in a large group.
Reserved people also tend to play things closer to the chest. In other words, they wait to open up to every person they meet. Instead, they have to get to know someone a bit more before sharing personal details or opinions.
People with reserved personalities also tend to think about problems before sharing their thoughts. While it may take them time to warm up to new people and situations, they can be very warm, open, and gregarious with those they know well.
Traits and Characteristics of a Reserved Personality
While each person is different and may experience and express their personality traits in unique ways, reserved people tend to share a few common characteristics. A few common traits include:
- They tend to think deeply
- They think before they speak
- They enjoy spending time alone
- They sometimes struggle with change
- They act with intention
- They prefer to keep their feelings to themselves
- They enjoy socializing with a smaller group of people they know
- They tend to be emotionally stable and level-headed
- They are very perceptive
- They tend to be very independent and prefer to work alone
- They often feel overwhelmed in large crowds
- They are slow to warm up to new people
- They need time to adapt to new situations
- They can be difficult to get to know
Other common characteristics of a reserved personality type include:
Introversion
Reserved individuals often lean towards being introverted, meaning they gain energy from time spent alone or in small groups, and they may find social interactions draining.
Thoughtfulness
Reserved individuals tend to think deeply before speaking or acting, preferring to consider their words and actions carefully.
Selective Socializing
Reserved individuals may be selective about the company they keep, preferring close relationships with a few trusted individuals rather than extensive social networks.
Great Listening Skills
Reserved people often excel at listening attentively during conversations, preferring to absorb information rather than dominate discussions.
Private Demeanor
Reserved individuals tend to keep their personal thoughts, feelings, and experiences private, only sharing them with those they trust deeply.
Observant Nature
Reserved individuals are often keen observers of their surroundings and the people around them, preferring to take in information before actively participating in conversations or activities.
Preference for Solitude
Reserved individuals typically enjoy spending time alone, engaging in solitary activities such as reading, writing, or pursuing hobbies.
Calmness
Reserved individuals often exhibit a calm and composed demeanor, even in stressful or chaotic situations, preferring to maintain their composure rather than reacting impulsively.
Examples of What It Means to Have a Reserved Personality
So what does it mean to have a reserved personality in everyday life? The following are a few examples of how this might look in different situations:
Social Gatherings
If you are a reserved person, you might spend most of your time at a party watching and observing others rather than engaging in conversations. You might make small talk if others approach you, but you are much more content finding a quiet spot to observe or spending time with one or two close friends.
Work Meetings
Having a reserved personality can also influence how you engage with others in the workplace. For example, during a work meeting, you might carefully listen to clothes while they speak and only chime in once you’ve had time to carefully consider different points that have been made. You are willing to share when others ask for your input, but you might feel more comfortable if you are able to do so in a one-on-one conversation or via email.
Personal Relationships
Being a reserved person also influences how you interact with your partner in a romantic relationship. During the initial stages of the relationship, you may be slow to open up. It takes time for the other person to get to know you, and trust and vulnerability take time. While you might not express your feelings as quickly or as openly as others, you do show your affection through acts of kindness and spending quality time together.
Decision Making
When you have a reserved personality, you tend to make decisions by carefully weighing the pros and the cons. This can take longer, but it also means that you tend to make carefully considered decisions. Because you are so thoughtful when it comes to making decisions, you are less likely to take impulsive, rash actions.
Dealing With Conflict
When reserved people find themselves involved in a conflict, they have a tendency to withdraw at first. This is because they need time to process their emotions and think about potential resolutions. They may feel overwhelmed in confrontational situations, they are more likely to wait until everyone is calm, and they can work toward a peaceful solution that works for everybody.
What Causes a Reserved Personality?
Many different factors cause personality, so it is a combination of both nature and nurture that contributes to the development of a reserved personality.
Genetics
Some aspects of personality have a strong genetic component. Having certain traits that are tied to genetic factors can increase the likelihood that you will have a more introverted, cautious, and reserved personality.
Temperament
Your temperament is the emotional and behavioral tendencies that are present in early childhood. Children who exhibit more behavioral inhibition or sensitivity to stimulation may tend to have a more reserved personality.
Upbringing and Environment
Your family environment, including aspects of your upbrining and the parenting styles you were raised with, can also have an impact on your personality. If your family tended to be quiet, private, independent, and reserved, you may be more likely to adopt those same qualities in adulthood.
Experiences
The experiences you have throughout your life can also have an impact on your personality. For example, experiencing things like social rejection, trauma, or bullying during childhood or adolescence may shape your personality as you age. Such experiences may cause you to become more guarded and cautious in social settings in order to limit the risk of addictional harm.
Cultural Factors
The culture in which you live can also have an impact on how you tend to relate to others and interact in social settings. If you are from a more reserved culture that emphasizes qualities like restraint, respect for authority, or modesty, you might be more likely to be described as a reserved person when you are in social situations.
Difference Between an Introverted vs. Reserved Personality
While being introverted and reserved are similar and often related, there are some important differences between the two.
An introvert is someone who has to expend energy when they are in social situations. Spending time socializing is draining, so they need time to recharge after they’ve spent a lot of time with other people. Introversion is a more broad personality trait than a social behavior.
Being reserved is more about how people approach social situations and process information. A reserved person uses caution when they are engaging in new situations or around those they don’t know well. They also need more time to think about things before they take action. Reserved people are careful about what they share with others and prefer to keep their thoughts and feelings private.
While introverts can be reserved in social settings, not all reserved individuals are necessarily introverted. Introversion is more about where individuals draw their energy from and how they recharge, whereas being reserved is more about behavior in social situations.
Tips if You Have a Reserved Personality
There’s nothing wrong with having a reserved personality! In fact, it can have many advantages. You tend to think about your decisions carefully and avoid taking risky or rash actions. While you are harder to get to know, you enjoy having meaningful relationship with people. Others often find you thoughtful, considerate, and compassionate.
The following are just a few tips that may help you manage having a reserved personality:
Try New Things
While your natural instincts might be telling you to stick with the tried-and-true, it can be worthwhile to push yourself outside of your comfort zone once in a while. The key to to take baby steps. When you are in situations, think of ways that you can gradually open yourself up to new experiences.
Set achievable goals for social interaction, such as initiating one conversation at a social event or speaking up in a meeting. Start with small steps and gradually challenge yourself to engage more actively in social situations.
Practice in Small Groups
It can be tough to be more open when you are in a large group, so it’s a good idea to test the waters first in a smaller, lower-pressure setting. You might try starting up a conversation with another person when you are in a small group. The more practice you get, the more comfortable and confident you’ll feel in such situations in the future.
Practice Assertiveness
Work on assertiveness skills to express thoughts, feelings, and needs confidently but respectfully. This can involve practicing assertive communication techniques such as using “I” statements and setting boundaries.
Embrace Your Personality
Don’t put yourself down because you are reserved or introverted! Not everyone want to be the life of the party–and that’s perfectly fine. Instead of comparing yourself to people who are naturally outgoing or extroverted, focus on celebrating your own strengths and accomplishments.
Find Ways to Shine
Stop putting pressure on yourself to do things that aren’t your strengths. While there are ways to develop your skills in those areas, you’ll feel a lot more comfortable and be a lot more successful if you focus on using your reserved personality to your advantage. In the workplace, this might involve using your thinking and analytical skills to perform tasks or provide feedback. In relationships, it might mean focusing on building deep, meaningful connections with the people around you.
Practice Self-Compassion
Be kind to yourself and acknowledge that it’s okay to feel uncomfortable in social situations at times. Practice self-compassion by reframing negative thoughts and focusing on your strengths and accomplishments.
Find Supportive Social Networks
Surround yourself with supportive friends, family members, or colleagues who appreciate and respect your reserved nature. Cultivate relationships with individuals who understand and accept you for who you are.
Seek Professional Support if Needed
If your reserved personality significantly impacts your daily functioning or causes distress, consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor. They can provide strategies to manage social anxiety, improve self-esteem, and enhance social skills.
Tips for Interacting With a Reserved Person
If you have a friend, family member, coworker, or partner who has a reserved personality, you might wonder what you can do to relate to them most effectively. This can be a challenging thing for people who might not understand this personality type–especially those who are more outgoing and interpret reservation as dislike or rejection.
Be Patient and Respect Their Boundaries
Understand that reserved individuals may take time to open up and feel comfortable in social situations. Be patient and allow them to warm up at their own pace.
Respect the boundaries of reserved individuals and avoid pressuring them to share more than they are comfortable with. Give them space when needed and avoid prying into personal matters.
Listen and Don’t Judge
Listen attentively when the reserved person speaks, and show genuine interest in what they have to say. Avoid interrupting or dominating the conversation, allowing them the opportunity to express themselves fully.
Understand Their Needs
Engage in one-on-one conversations with the reserved person, as they may feel more comfortable opening up in a smaller, more intimate setting. Choose quiet, comfortable settings for interactions with reserved individuals, as they may feel overwhelmed in loud or crowded environments. Opt for activities that allow for meaningful conversation without distractions.
Recognize that reserved individuals may need time alone to recharge, and respect their need for solitude. Avoid taking their need for alone time personally and support their self-care practices.
Offer Encouragement and Validation
Provide positive reinforcement and encouragement when the reserved person shares their thoughts or feelings. Validate their experiences and let them know that their contributions are valued.
Respect Their Individuality
Appreciate the unique qualities and strengths of the reserved person, and avoid trying to change them to fit a certain mold. Accept them for who they are and embrace the richness of their personality.
Sources:
Kerber, A., Roth, M., & Herzberg, P. Y. (2021). Personality types revisited-a literature-informed and data-driven approach to an integration of prototypical and dimensional constructs of personality description. PloS one, 16(1), e0244849. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0244849
Nelson, P. A., Thorne, A., & Shapiro, L. A. (2011). I’m outgoing and she’s reserved: the reciprocal dynamics of personality in close friendships in young adulthood. Journal of Personality, 79(5), 1113–1147. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-6494.2011.00719.x
Tuovinen, S., Tang, X., & Salmela-Aro, K. (2020). Introversion and social engagement: Scale validation, their interaction, and positive association with self-esteem. Frontiers in Psychology, 11, 590748. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.590748